Imagine you’re in a work meeting, and a colleague has just presented a project they’ve been working on for weeks.
Everyone seems impressed, but you see a significant flaw that could undermine the project’s success.
Eager to help, you immediately point out the issue, emphasizing how it could derail the project and suggesting a complete overhaul of their approach. You lay out your critique in detail, believing you’re helping the team avoid a major mistake.
But as you wrap up your critique, you realize that you might be coming across as a total jerk.
Silence ensues… It’s awkward. Your colleague seems upset.
Not exactly the ideal situation, right?
Well, learning how to deliver constructive feedback properly is really key to avoiding hurt feelings and embarrassment on your part or your colleagues, friends, or loved ones.
And trust me, just because it’s a “hard truth” or just because you believe in being “direct,” there’s always a right way and a wrong way to go about it — and a right time and place.
So, let’s take a closer look at how you can improve your constructive feedback game!
What should you know?
What is Constructive Feedback?
So, here’s the thing: Constructive feedback doesn’t mean being super honest and direct (as per the above).
It’s actually a supportive communication method aimed at helping someone improve their performance or behavior. To do this, it focuses on specific behaviors or outcomes rather than on the person themselves and is delivered in a positive, respectful manner.
When it comes down to it, constructive feedback provides clear and actionable suggestions for improvement, highlighting both strengths and areas that need development.
It’s intended to encourage growth and learning rather than to criticize or demoralize (which, unfortunately, many people end up doing).
Tips for Giving Constructive Feedback
So, let’s get you on track to giving constructive feedback that others welcome. Here are our top tips.
1. Focus on the behavior, not the person.
Make it clear that your feedback is about the person’s work or behavior, not about them as an individual. This helps prevent defensive reactions.
It’s easy to jump into, “You forgot…” or “You did this..” which often comes off as ultra-accusatory to the listener. But instead, try to focus on it from an observational/ behavioral perspective. For instance, instead of, “You forgot to do the report,” you could say, “I noticed the report wasn’t on my desk.”
It can further help also to add what is expected. For example: “I expected the report on my desk at the agreed time.”
And yes, using “I” statements works really well here.
2. Think about “why” you need to share this feedback.
This can help you frame it right and also open the feedback to be more of a discussion than an accusation.
For example, maybe you truly believe it will improve the other person’s performance. Approach it from this perspective.
Related Article: Failure & Goals: 7 Steps to Take Immediately if You’ve Experienced a Setback
3. Stick to the facts.
Avoid diving into how you feel about things.
Use facts and fact-based observations to give feedback and then also focus on what can be improved. This can help avoid emotional confrontation, which can lead down a slippery slope toward hurt feelings and frustration.
4. Find opportunities instead of faults.
It’s easy to deliver feedback as a critique.
We’re often quick to notice when something is wrong. But a better way to help someone is by looking for opportunities. So instead of saying something isn’t right, provide an opportunity to improve.
For example, instead of saying their idea is wrong, try starting with, “And…” or “How about…” This can foster collaboration and teamwork as opposed to making someone feel like their opinion or ideas don’t matter.
5. Practice empathy.
Acknowledge how much work, time, and effort the other person has put in.
Many people feel ashamed and embarrassed when feedback or critique is given. Yet, we can put them at ease by acknowledging their value and worth.
6. Remain respectful.
In no shape, way, or form is using derogatory or demeaning language appropriate.
Treat others how you’d want to be treated (Hey, our parents said it first!). Maintain a respectful and helpful tone throughout the discussion.
7. Consider the time and place.
Sometimes, it’s simply not the right time or place.
In the middle of a family dinner? No way.
In the middle of an important work meeting? Maybe save it for afterward.
Read the room, so to say, and provide feedback in a timely manner but in the appropriate setting.
8. End on a positive note.
While we don’t ever want to fluff things up too much, consider concluding the feedback session by reiterating your confidence in the person’s ability to improve and your willingness to support them.
This leaves the conversation on a hopeful and positive note. It also re-establishes your confidence in the other person, which can be helpful when they are trying to make improvements or changes.
Related Article: How to Master the Fine Art of Putting Yourself First While Staying Compassionate
Master the Art of Constructive Feedback
Yes, it might take some practice, but it’s entirely worthwhile.
Knowing the ins and outs of constructive feedback can help you be a better friend, colleague, and more. Strike a balance between honesty and empathy. Choose the right time and place.
As we refine our approach, we not only contribute to the personal and professional growth of our colleagues but also enhance our own leadership and communication skills, paving the way for a culture of continuous improvement and positive change.
Read Next: 5 Ways to Stop Being so Judgemental & Why it’s Important
Photo by Antoni Shkraba
