Complaining is a completely normal part of human behavior.
For many of us, it’s a way to vent out our frustrations—or even a way to start to see real change in the world (as long as it’s followed by positive actions!). Yet, we all know (or have known) someone that complains a little too much.
You know the person: The food at the restaurant is just never good enough. Or the prices everywhere are atrocious. Or maybe they get bothered and complain about everyone and anything they can think of it.
They fall into this habit, and boy, is it draining for those of us that hang around them. I think we can all agree it brings the vibe down.
But what if it’s you? What if you’re that person? Are you a chronic complainer?
In this article, we’re going to find out if you’re complaining a little too much—and how you can fix it!
Are You Complaining Too Much?
Noticing whether you complain too much can help you overcome it, fostering a positive attitude versus a negative one.
Inevitably, some of your daily conversations are going to revolve around grievances in your life, or another’s life. Yet, it’s the patterns you want to watch out for! So, here are a few signs you can look out for to determine if you’re an over-complainer.
1. You see the glass as half-empty and don’t seek out solutions.
Oof, the “woe-is-me” attitude can be seriously draining. So much so, that you might actually begin to view the world through a lens where the glass is pretty much always half-full. You don’t see the other side of the equation.
For instance, so what if your appetizer wasn’t up-to-par at the restaurant?
- You caught up with your friends.
- You had great company.
- Your entrée was pretty good!
We don’t need to get stuck on these small “blips.”
In truth, you can either amplify them (via complaining) or emphasize the positive. We strongly encourage you to look on the bright side (it’s oh-so-much better!).
Alternatively, if your complaint is truly a problem (which, let’s be honest, it happens!), then seek out a solution. Be proactive!
2. People avoid you.
Stephen Hawking once said,
“People won’t have time for you if you are always angry and complaining.”
This comes from someone who, out of all of us, probably had a right to complain. Diagnosed with an incurable disease, ALS, Hawking’s life wasn’t easy, but that didn’t stop him, nor did it bring him down.
At the end of the day, complaining bores people. It fosters negativity that isn’t necessary. And yes, this can lead to fewer invites in your inbox than you’re used to.
If you suspect this is happening, ask your friends to be honest with you. Don’t approach it confrontationally. More so, ask for honest feedback so that you can make a change in your life and correct course!
3. You dwell on past events and can’t seem to move forward.
Bad stuff happens. Life isn’t easy.
In fact, everyone faces various hurdles and challenges throughout their life. Yet, we keep moving forward. In fact, we have to if we intend on living a fulfilling and satisfying life.
But some of us don’t move beyond past struggles. We get stuck, and we end up in a loop of complaining about them again and again. And all this does is bring you down. If this sounds familiar, you might be complaining too much!
4. When you talk about your problems, you feel hopeless and helpless.
Again, this comes down to complaining and not having a viable solution (or not seeking a viable solution).
Since you don’t focus on solutions, the future can seem vaguely hopeless, leaving you to feel as though you’re stuck in your problems forever.
Here’s the thing: You aren’t stuck! Our mind likes to play tricks on us… But you can overcome problems, even if they aren’t within your control. Something that is within your control is your perspective and how you think about things. This is important to remember!
5. You experience frequent anxiety.
When we don’t have solutions forward and dwell on our problems (as complainers do), we might experience ongoing anxiety about the past and future.
This frequent “worry” and tense feelings arise from having no clear path. You might even notice you get more irritable after complaining. After all, healthy complaints usually make us feel better!
Related Article: Feeling Frustrated and Angry? Tips to Overcome the Negative Emotions
Why Do People Complain?
Overall, complaining too much is a mix of communication problems and internal dialogue challenges.
However, you might complain too much for various reasons (and it can help to understand why so you can get to the root cause and solve it!), including:
- Low self-esteem
- Difficulty regulating one’s emotions
- Depression or low mood
- Personality (Individuals high in agreeableness are actually less likely to complain!)
- The people you hang around with (do they complain a lot too?)
How to Quit Your Complaining!
So, let’s stop this complaining once and for all.
What can you do?
How can you approach this issue and make a switch?
Here are a few ideas:
Journaling.
Write out your problems and how you feel about them. This can help you organize your thoughts and create a way to move forward.
Practicing gratitude.
Regular gratitude practice can help foster a positive mindset and help you see the things in your life that you do have.
Aim to do this for a few minutes at the start of your day and strive to truly feel that feeling of appreciation!
Adopting a growth mindset.
Change is tough. Yet, viewing your problems from an approach of, “What can I learn here? What can I do to overcome this issue?” can help improve your situation and improve your overall life.
Seek out help when you need it.
If your friends and family are sick of it and you just can’t stop, it might be time to seek out the help of a pro.
You not only basically pay someone to complain to, but they also help you determine ways to move toward what you want in life and can offer strategies that can enhance your mental wellness.
Challenge yourself on a regular basis.
Doing hard things can help you gain some perspective on what truly is worth complaining about.
Maybe performing a cold shower on a regular basis is exactly what you need. Or perhaps you should put yourself out there and take that class you’ve been hesitating on. Whatever it is, get yourself out of your comfort zone. It truly can help!
Related Article: Need Better Communication Skills? 10 Simple Tips to Help You Practice
Is Complaining Really That Bad?
At the end of the day, complaining isn’t always bad.
Sometimes, we all need some space to vent! And friends and family can offer a safe space for us to do so. Plus, many people complain to actually seek out solutions, which can be undeniably beneficial.
As always, the goal should be to keep things positive, though! Adopt that forward-thinking and growth mindset that will get you closer to the life you want. You don’t need to be stuck in this over-complaining state. In fact, you shouldn’t. Start cultivating a more positive outlook by using the tips above.
Read Next: Want a Better Life? 6 Ways to Cultivate a More Positive Environment
Photo by KATRIN BOLOVTSOVA
