One thing about experiencing trauma is the fact that it demands to be addressed, otherwise, it haunts us for a very long time.
Naturally, we’ll turn to our friends and families to help us process and vent those traumatic experiences. However, there’s a blurry line between venting and trauma dumping.
Trauma dumping is the term for unloading your emotional or psychological trauma onto someone else without their consent or setting appropriate boundaries beforehand. Trauma dumping can occur in relationships, on social media, or even in casual conversations.
While seemingly relieving, trauma dumping can be harmful to both the person doing the dumping and the person receiving it.
Sadly, not many people are well aware of what trauma dumping is. This results in them unknowingly pushing away the people they love.
Are You Guilty of Trauma Dumping? 7 Common Signs
- Constantly bringing up traumatic experiences or events in conversations, even when the topic is unrelated.
- Overwhelming your listener with graphic details of traumatic experiences.
- Ignoring social cues or verbal boundaries, such as changing the subject or expressing discomfort.
- Not respecting the listener’s emotional capacity or well-being, or being unwilling to acknowledge the impact of your experience on others.
- Failing to seek professional help or support, and instead relying on friends, family, or acquaintances to process your trauma.
- Expressing anger or frustration when the listener is unable or unwilling to provide the level of support or validation you’re expecting.
- Making the listener feel responsible for your emotional well-being, or guilt-tripping them into listening or providing support.
Why is Trauma Dumping Harmful for You?
For the person doing the dumping:
It can reinforce a pattern of avoiding personal responsibility and processing your own emotions.
You become used to oversharing your trauma and expect assistance from others, thereby failing to develop the skills needed to deal with trauma personally.
To the person on the receiving end:
It can be overwhelming, triggering, and even re-traumatizing.
Hearing graphic details of someone else’s trauma is not anyone’s cup of tea, especially when you’re not prepared for it.
It’s important to recognize that trauma is a deeply personal and sensitive topic. Sharing one’s trauma can be an important part of healing and growth, but it should be done in a safe and appropriate way.
If you feel like you need to share your trauma with someone, always ask for their consent and establish clear boundaries beforehand.
Additionally, seeking the help of a trained therapist or counselor can provide a safe space to process and work through your trauma without bruising other social relationships you have.
6 Ways to Avoid Trauma Dumping
Remember that trauma is a complex and challenging experience, and it’s okay to seek help and support.
By being mindful of how you share your experiences, you can avoid trauma dumping and build healthy relationships with those around you.
Seek professional help
It’s essential to have a safe space to process your trauma.
Consider seeking help from a therapist or counselor who is trained to help you navigate through your experiences.
Ask for consent
Before sharing your experiences with someone, make sure they are open to listening.
Ask if it’s okay to share and let them know that they can set boundaries if they feel uncomfortable.
Pace yourself
Take breaks and avoid overwhelming the listener with too much information at once.
Try to share your experiences in small increments over time.
Use “I” statements
When talking about your experiences, use “I” statements to focus on your own emotions and reactions.
- “I feel that…”
- “I did…”
- “I reacted…”
This can help the listener understand your perspective without feeling like they need to fix the problem.
Consider the listener’s needs
Be aware of the listener’s boundaries and needs.
If they seem uncomfortable or overwhelmed, take a step back and give them space.
Take responsibility for your own healing
While it’s essential to have a support system, it’s also important to take responsibility for your own healing.
Consider other ways to process your trauma, such as journaling, art, or exercise.
You Can Protect Yourself From Trauma Dumping Too
Being on the receiving side of trauma dumping can be overwhelming and exhausting.
It can be challenging to know how to respond when someone is oversharing their trauma with you, but we all need to be aware of how we can protect ourselves.
Set boundaries
It’s crucial to establish your boundaries and communicate them clearly with the person who is sharing their trauma.
Let them know that while you want to support them, you have limits to what you can handle. Be firm with your boundaries and should the other person attempt to overstep them, remind them that you do not have the capacity to take on more than what they have already shared.
Encourage professional help
When you notice that someone has a lot bothering them and they could use someone to, encourage them to seek professional help.
If they attempt to unload their trauma on you, remind them that although you would like to help, you do not have the capacity. Then go on to point them in the direction of resources like therapy or counseling services.
Thanks to technology, these are becoming more widely available and can be accessed even online.
Trauma dumping can happen to all of us, and there is a possibility that we can find ourselves on either side of the coin. It is important to pay attention to how we handle stress and trauma so we avoid burdening those around us.
In addition to seeking help, we can adopt some lifestyle changes that help us take responsibility of our healing.
Updated from Feb 28, 2023
Photo by Keira Burton
