Don’t allow others to consume you. If they don’t call, go to sleep. If they don’t message you, put away your phone and have a blessed day. If they are distant and refuse to tell you what’s wrong, go home and do something fun. You live for yourself first. They are secondary. – Unknown
Perhaps it sounds too harsh, or maybe a bit too selfish, but it is none of those. In fact, it is the opposite of those.
Most people misinterpret it when you say, “put yourself first” to mean “be selfish”. It doesn’t mean that you are self-absorbed and don’t care about other people, but that you have healthy boundaries.
Do you feel like you have an empty cup and need to practice some self-love?
What Does it Mean to Put Yourself First?
Putting yourself first means you know:
- What your responsibilities are, and what they are not.
- What is within your control and what is not.
- Your duty.
- The duty of others.
In fact, trying to be another person’s superhero actually spoils the person you are going all out for. It can make them helpless, weak, and dependent. Other times, it simply diminishes your joy and quality of life. Either way – not good.
People must be allowed to take care of their own problems – including kids.
If you always carry a baby, the baby will never learn to walk. You must allow them to struggle when it is necessary. Keeping a small child from injuring themselves is your responsibility, what is not your responsibility is always bringing the toy to them.
A lot of people grow up with unhealthy mindsets. A lot of people have boundary issues and this means that sometimes they expect you to do their work for them. It is not your job.
You Don’t Have to Do Everything for Others
Putting yourself first is all about a question of prioritizing, and understanding your obligations – and those that are not.
You don’t have to:
- Give someone something that would harm you.
- Say “Yes” to another task when your schedule is already packed full.
- Accept the invite when you have to work the next morning or have kids who are starving for your attention.
- Insist on knowing what is bothering someone if they are not willing to share.
Even when the people you care about hold back, you should let them be – it is their decision when and if they wish to share, and you have shown that you care. You don’t have to beat yourself up for what someone else is going through.
Depending on your values, your priorities can range from:
- your health, family, job/business first
- then the community
- then the rest of the world
First things must be first – then others.
Why Putting Yourself First is Important
Everything and everyone is connected.
Your self-care practices will ultimately put you in a good position to do your job, which then enables you to take care of your family.
Your family (which is now well taken care of) can go on to become part of a larger community. That community would proceed to interact with the rest of the world – in a healthy and constructive way.
They say “charity begins at home.” Perhaps, it should have been, “charity begins within you.”
If you don’t love yourself, how can you love others? Love yourself enough to put yourself first.
Ignoring your mental, physical, or emotional health will affect your family and even the person/organization who wants to distract you from that obligation you owe yourself. The obligation of doing the best for, and taking care of yourself.
You must learn to take care of yourself first because as the cliché goes, “you can’t pour from an empty cup.”
In other words, enrich yourself first, in order to be able to enrich others.
5 Easy Ways to Start Putting Yourself First
1. Take Care of Your Body.
This involves eating right, and healthy, as well as getting regular exercise. You must give your body the nutrients it needs, and keep it moving.
2. Positive Self-Talk.
The things you hear with your ears are as important as the things you put in your mouth. You must learn to not always criticize yourself, but to encourage and speak positively to yourself.
3. Rest.
As much as work is important, you don’t have to work yourself to death. Learn to take breaks and yes, vacations.
To do this, you can set milestones that you want to hit, after which you are entitled to treat yourself. When it is time for your treat – sleep, vacation, or recreations – don’t let anything rob you of that.
4. Align With Your Values.
Before you take any course of action, ensure that it perfectly aligns with your values. You don’t have to do anything that makes you feel terrible, no matter how much others seem to justify it.
5. Set Goals.
You also have to ensure that your actions align with your goals – or at least, that they don’t deter or distract you from them.
There are a lot of good courses/ambitions/goals to engage in, and even pour your resources into (time, money, and energy). But you have to put yourself first, by clearly defining which aligns with your goals, and then sticking to and prioritizing them.
You can’t do everything. No one expects you to – except you! Don’t put unnecessary pressure on yourself, and focus on what is important to you.
You Can’t Pour From an Empty Cup: Put Yourself First
Putting yourself first doesn’t automatically mean you’re turning your back on helping others!
It simply means that you need to listen to your own needs first, and not allow other people’s opinions, and emotional manipulations to get to you.
Remember you are the primary character in this movie called “your life”.
You don’t have to ignore other people or make them your antagonists, but you don’t have to lose yourself for them either. It’s okay to put yourself first.
Updated from Oct 30, 2023
