Have you ever gone through the motions of life, doing what needs to be done, but feeling…nothing?
Like there’s a wall between you and your own emotions? I’ve been there.
Emotional numbness can feel like you’re watching life happen instead of living it. The good news? It’s not permanent, and with courage and wisdom, you can reconnect with the full spectrum of feelings that make life rich and meaningful.
Let’s talk about what emotional numbness is, why it happens, and how to gently begin feeling again.
What is Emotional Numbness?
Emotional numbness isn’t about lacking emotions; it’s about disconnecting from them.
It’s like putting your feelings on “Do Not Disturb” mode. You might not even realize it’s happening because, at first, it can feel protective—like a shield against pain.
But over time, that shield doesn’t just block out the bad stuff; it also shuts out joy, love, and connection.
Growing up, I had a loving family, and I know my parents cared deeply for me. But love doesn’t always come with emotional attunement. My parents struggled with their own emotional burdens, and though they were there physically—providing, protecting, and doing their best—they weren’t always present emotionally.
They didn’t know how to meet me in my inner world, how to sit with my feelings or help me navigate them.
And I don’t blame them for that. They did what they could with what they had, but it left a gap—a space where I needed emotional connection and didn’t know how to find it.
That gap grew wider as some tough things happened in my childhood.
They weren’t catastrophic, but they were painful enough that I didn’t know what to do with the discomfort. I didn’t have the tools to process emotions like fear, sadness, or shame. Instead of reaching out, I learned to shut down.
I built walls around myself—walls I thought would keep me safe from the pain, but they also kept me from truly feeling anything.
Why Do We Shut Down Emotionally?
We often go numb because it feels safer than facing what hurts us.
Fear is the main driver. Fear of rejection, fear of vulnerability, fear of being overwhelmed by our emotions—it’s all so much easier to avoid, right?
Add in societal messages that emotions are “weak,” and it’s no wonder many of us become experts at stuffing our feelings down.
But here’s the thing: when you avoid pain, you also avoid healing. You might not feel the sting of sadness, but you miss the sweetness of joy too.
5 Ways to Reconnect with Your Emotions
Getting back in touch with your feelings takes courage.
It’s not about diving headfirst into your deepest fears all at once but about taking small, intentional steps. Here’s what helped me, and I hope it can help you too:
1. Start by Noticing
Awareness is the first step.
Pay attention to what’s happening inside you, even if it’s subtle.
Is your heart racing during a stressful conversation?
Do tears creep up during a movie scene? Don’t judge yourself—just notice.
I remember the first time I allowed myself to feel sadness again after years of pushing it away. I was watching a random TV show when a character lost their dog, and suddenly, I was crying. At first, I felt ridiculous, but then I realized it was progress—I was letting myself feel something.
2. Create a Safe Space
Reconnecting with emotions requires trust—both in yourself and in the environment around you.
For me, that safe space came from therapy. But it could also be a close friend, a journal, or even a quiet moment in nature. The key is to give yourself permission to explore your feelings without fear of judgment.
3. Take Baby Steps
Don’t pressure yourself to feel everything all at once.
Start small. For example, try naming your emotions throughout the day.
- “I feel frustrated.”
- “I feel excited.”
- “I feel tired.”
It might seem basic, but it’s surprisingly effective in building emotional awareness.
4. Face the Fear of Vulnerability
This one is tough, but vulnerability is where the magic happens.
I’ll never forget the first time I admitted to a friend how disconnected I felt. I was terrified they’d think I was broken, but instead, they listened and shared their own struggles.
That conversation was a turning point.
It reminded me that vulnerability isn’t a weakness; it’s a bridge to connection.
5. Practice Self-Compassion
Finally, be gentle with yourself.
Reconnecting with emotions can feel messy, awkward, and uncomfortable. That’s okay. You’re not failing—you’re growing.
Why it’s Worth it
When you reconnect with your emotions, life feels fuller.
- Your relationships deepen because you can truly connect with others.
- Your creativity blossoms because you’re tapping into the raw, unfiltered parts of yourself.
- And most importantly, you begin to feel at home in your own skin.
I won’t pretend it’s easy—sometimes it feels like two steps forward, one step back.
But every little step is progress.
I still have days when I want to shut everything out, but I remind myself of how much brighter life feels when I’m fully engaged with it. And honestly?
It’s worth every ounce of effort.
Overcoming Emotional Numbness: Take the First Step
If you’re feeling numb right now, I want you to know you’re not alone, and you’re not stuck.
- Start small.
- Notice what’s happening inside you.
- Talk to someone you trust.
- Write down your thoughts.
- Watch that sappy movie and let yourself cry.
The courage to feel is also the courage to heal. You can do this. And if you ever feel like you’re standing at the edge of vulnerability, afraid to leap, remember: the other side is where connection, joy, and your most authentic self await.
Want to learn more?
One excellent book on this topic is “The Power of Vulnerability” by Brené Brown.
While it’s more commonly known as a TED Talk and audio series, it dives deep into the concepts of emotional connection, vulnerability, and how shutting down emotions can limit our ability to live fully.
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Photo by Alex Green
