Experiencing a divorce or a breakup can be challenging for everyone involved.
It can be especially tough to face the holiday season after a divorce.
In fact, for many divorcees, the holidays can bring to the surface a lot of feelings like sadness, grief, anxiety, regret, loneliness, and more. It’s difficult to face change in general, but especially around traditions.
You may be used to sharing groups of friends and family, going to holiday parties or work functions with your partner and wondering how best to deal with that this year.
Perhaps you have kids and now have to figure out how the holidays are going to work when you’re in two separate households. It can be hard to feel joy in this situation, and may be tricky to work with your ex.
If you’ve gone through a divorce or breakup and you’re experiencing some stress about upcoming holidays, know that you’re not alone.
As the holiday approaches, consider the following tips to help you get through it.
6 Helpful Tips to Deal With the Holidays After a Divorce
1. Brace Yourself With Support
You don’t have to face this challenging time alone.
Be sure that you surround yourself with some positive influences and support. This could be a good friend, family member, therapist, or a support group.
It’s inevitable to have a lot of confusing feelings about the holidays and getting those feelings out can help you feel better. It might not completely take negative emotions away, but it can take the edge off and help you manage or navigate through them.
Support can also mean bringing your sister or best friend to holiday parties or work functions with you if you don’t want to go alone. They can assist you in navigating the event, and even help you get out of conversations if people are asking you about your ex-partner and you don’t want to talk about it.
Lean on your support, whomever they may be.
2. Create a Parenting Plan
If you’re co-parenting, consider talking to your ex about a plan for custody of the children during the holiday season.
This isn’t usually an easy task, because it’s challenging for parents to think about not having their children during a holiday or having to take turns.
However, it’s necessary to sit and talk about a plan for yours and the children’s sake.
Talk about various scenarios and decide what works best for the entire family.
Once you set a schedule, stick to it. You might want to put it on your calendar and let your children know well ahead of time what the holiday season will look like for them regarding where they’ll be.
Down the road you may decide on a different schedule, but for now do your best to create a plan that’s best for the children.
Hopefully, you’re in a situation where you and your ex can set your feelings aside and do what’s best for your kids. If your ex is being challenging with the schedule, try not to react angrily. Stay firm, be willing to be flexible and get your agreement in writing somewhere.
If you’re really unable to work something out, you may want to consider mediation.
3. Create Holiday Traditions
You probably have some treasured family traditions that need some adjusting.
Now that you’re divorced, you may want to keep some of them, adjust as needed or do something completely different. Creating new holiday traditions can be hard at first, but really meaningful the more you practice them.
I had a wonderful Christmas Eve tradition with my ex-husband and my dad. They are both beer connoisseurs, so I would go to specialty stores and find them each a few bottles of beer they’d never tried before.
Then they’d unwrap them Christmas Eve, do some reviews and we would play cards and eat Christmas cookies. It was simple, but we all looked forward to it every year.
The first year after we separated, I was sad to not do it (I’m not a beer drinker), but now I take my dad for a delicious Chinese buffet and we play board games afterwards. I still get to keep a special tradition, but I altered it to suit my new life.
If you have kids, and they’re used to spending Christmas Eve with you, yet you’ve agreed to let them stay at your exes, perhaps you can create a new tradition by:
- video chatting with them
- reading them a favorite holiday book
- singing songs together
Just because you’re not in the same home doesn’t mean you can’t make a meaningful connection and make memories with them. You can also ask your children if they’d like to create a new family tradition.
Allow them the freedom to talk about their feelings and wishes for a cheerful holiday season. This helps everyone to stay out of the past, or getting down about the divorce, and concentrating on moving forward with optimism and hope.
4. Exercise Self-Care
It’s challenging for some to face the holiday season because they’ll really miss the days when everyone was together.
Sadness or depression may set in and it may be tempting to skip self-care. Granted, it’s alright to grieve a bit about past holiday seasons, but do your best to practice self-care, taking care of yourself regardless of how you feel.
Get plenty of sleep, eat well, exercise, and spend time feeding your soul with inspirational things. Sure, it can become stressful, but you can choose ahead of time to tackle that stress in positive ways.
Try deep breathing, meditation or prayer, quiet time, walks in nature, or something else that brings you some peace. Treat yourself to something special, like a new cozy blanket or having a meal that feels like a splurge. Make it special for you.
If you have kids and they see you taking care of yourself first, they’re learning that self-care is important and will be more apt to practice it themselves.
5. Rediscover Yourself
While it may be different this holiday season, know that you can focus on the positives.
Take some time to rediscover yourself. Get together with family or friends and celebrate your love for each other. Perhaps you can volunteer in the community. Do some research to see what’s going on in your area that celebrates the holidays and go. Make yourself get out and enjoy this time of year.
At the same time, enjoy some time just to yourself. If you love to read, get several books to read through. Or you can try out that new hobby you’ve been thinking about.
Don’t be afraid to rediscover yourself at this time in life and really make the best of it.
6. Make the Most of It
This holiday season may be different than the last, but it can still be memorable and meaningful.
Make the most of it and enjoy the moments you do share with your family. Even if the time with your children is cut short, spend every moment delighting in them and the time of year.
If by chance the children won’t be with you this holiday, do your best to find others who you can celebrate with. Or, take the holiday and go on vacation to somewhere you’ve really been wanting to go.
Holidays may not be the same as they used to be while you were married, but they can still be full of holiday cheer, making memories that last a lifetime.
Create some wonderful new memories!
Editor’s note: This article was originally published Dec 28, 2021 and has been updated to improve reader experience.
