Fear of abandonment. Fear of failure. These are common fears that plague so many of us.
How many times have you not done things because you’re afraid?
For me personally – more times than I can count.
But recently, an incident stood out for me and made me question the extent to which I have allowed fear to shape how I live my life.
I realized that in many aspects of my life, I had let fear install firm boundaries that have a lot of control over different spheres of my life.
Does this sound familiar? Let’s take a look at some of the most common fears that are holding you back.
The Rollercoaster
Storytime. I went with my family to a popular local amusement park and it was amazing with a lot of rides (and unlimited cool drink refills). We started going on rides and I was having the time of my life.
Then we had to go on the big rollercoaster – the highlight of the park.
Looking at how high and long this rollercoaster was, I told myself that considering my fear of heights, going on this ride would basically be suicide.
But, my family can be so pushy! So I ended up going on the ride and saying I enjoyed it is an understatement.
At first I was terrified, but by the time the ride ended, I was smiling.
I couldn’t believe I had done something that I was so terrified of and I had enjoyed it! This experience gave me the courage to go on more interesting rides, my favorite one being the pendulum that gave an awesome view of the city.
Had I not faced my fear, I would not have had half as much fun as I had on those rides. I then went down a rabbit hole thinking of how many areas of my life have been restricted by fear.
Fear in general is a major drawback. As I began reading more about fear and working towards improving myself I learned that there are several ‘types’ of common fears that hinder us from being the best versions of ourselves and enjoying life to the fullest.
These are explained below as well as the ways you can use to overcome these fears.
4 Common Fears Holding You Back
Fear of failure
Before trying a new thing, a lot of us hear a voice saying ‘What if you fail or aren’t good at it?’.
Sadly, we tend to give into this voice and tell ourselves that there is a possibility that we won’t do well. So why should we bother?
We end up not trying.
What we fail to realize is that we won’t know if we are good at something or not unless we give it a try. If we don’t try there will always be that possibility and potential that maybe we might have been good at it.
Fear of abandonment/being alone
When we’re scared of being alone, we find ourselves constantly worried about how we interact with other people and how they perceive us.
We are in a perpetual search for approval from others. In turn, we end up missing out on things that make us happy because we want to ensure that everyone else is happy.
How often do we hear the phrase, ‘What will people think?’ We become people pleasers who are surrounded by happy people – while we are miserable.
Fear of responsibility
In some instances, we’re scared to try something new because we think we won’t be able to handle the responsibility.
I’ve heard of people who turn down promotions at work. They think they won’t be able to handle the responsibilities that come with the new role.
What they fail to realize is that if they were not eligible for the role, it probably wouldn’t have been offered to them.
Responsibilities always seem too much before we take them on.
Fear of the past repeating itself
Just because certain things have happened in the past doesn’t mean they’ll happen again.
We grow and learn. People and circumstances also change.
Sometimes we’re afraid to try things because we did them in the past and had unfavorable results. Or we know people who’ve tried things and it didn’t end well for them.
Our past experiences should serve as learning opportunities, rather than signals of the things we should never do again.
3 Ways You Can Overcome These Fears
Focus on the evidence
Oftentimes we fail to look at the evidence or proof that works in our favor. When in fear, look at the proof that justifies or dismisses the fear you have.
For instance, when you fear trying something new because you’re scared you won’t get it right, look back at the things you or the people close to you have tried and succeeded in completing. If you/they could do it then; you surely can do it now!
Another example is when you’re scared to go to the gym for the first time. You’re worried that everyone is going to be looking at you and judging you for being unfit.
When you look at the evidence you will realize that everyone in the gym is there to work on themselves and not to look at the next person. Putting evidence into consideration will help you get over some of the fears you might have.
Talk about it
Talking to others who have been where you currently are will help you get a new perspective on things.
They’ll be able to share with you how they overcame the fear and what is on the other side of it. Moreover, seeing that others have overcome the fear obstacle will help you realize that you can do it too and that you’re not alone.
Also, depending on where you’re based, there are hotlines you can call to get support from qualified professionals.
Reward yourself
Gathering the strength to face a fear and actually doing something you aren’t comfortable with doing is not easy.
When you do it, recognize your win and reward yourself, you deserve a treat!
You Can Overcome Common Fears and Achieve Your Goals
Overcoming fear is not easy.
It takes time and a lot of work. When in fear, we focus on the excuses and get distracted from the goal. It is easy to pretend like we aren’t being influenced by fear and we are being factual. But in reality, life is all about taking risks and trying.
The biggest step in overcoming fear is acknowledging its existence.
Once we’ve done this, we need to also accept that on many occasions we will fail and fall. But that doesn’t mean our story needs to end there.
Overcoming common fears allows us to get up and try again until we get to where we want to get. Looking at evidence, talking to others, recognizing the excuses and developing a growth mindset are some of the ways you can adopt to overcome fear and work towards being the person you want to be.
Editor’s note: This article was originally published Sep 17, 2023 and has been updated to improve reader experience.
Photo by Darren Tiumalu
