Monday is here once again.
The weekend is over and a new work week has just started. Maybe you feel a bit unmotivated, stressed or negative about that.
So in today’s post I thought it would be helpful to share 101 funny Monday quotes.
Ones that will make you laugh and can help you to relieve some stress. And ones you can share with co-workers over a cup of coffee to spread the positive energy and to lighten the mood in your workplace.
I hope you’ll find something here to make this a better, more positive and more fun day and week.
Funny Good Morning Monday Quotes
“Some people wake up drowsy. Some people wake up energized. I wake up dead.”
– James Marsden
“Monday is a ‘strong cup of coffee’ kind of day.”
– Unknown
“I wake up every morning at nine and grab for the morning paper. Then I look at the obituary page. If my name is not on it, I get up.”
– Benjamin Franklin
“Mornings are pure evil from the pits of hell, which is why I don’t do them anymore.”
– Rachel Caine
“Good morning is a contradiction of terms.”
– Jim Davis
“When reality and dreams collide, typically it’s just your alarm clock going off.”
– Crystal Woods
“No! I’m not ready, this is still my first cup of coffee!”
– Anthony Liccione
“Mindful Monday Humans, may your coffee kick in before reality does.”
– Napz Cherub Pellazo
“Everyone has highs and lows that they have to learn from, but, every morning, I start off with a good head on my shoulders, saying to myself, it’s going to be a good day!”
– Lindsay Lohan
“Everyone wants me to be a morning person. I could be one, only if morning began after noon.”
– Tony Smite
“Morning comes whether you set the alarm or not.”
– Ursula Le Guin
“I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.”
– Lewis Black
“I hate mornings, they start so early.”
– Janet Evanovich
“I hate when I dream of alarm clocks going off.”
– Jarod Kintz
“Monday morning is wonderful. Its only drawback is that it comes at such an inconvenient time of day.”
– Glen Cook
“Birds scream at the top of their lungs in horrified hellish rage every morning at daybreak to warn us all of the truth, but sadly we don’t speak bird.”
– Kurt Cobain
“Good Morning! It’s Monday, don’t forget to be awesome, or at least OK.”
– Sandra Shea
“Every morning you have two choices: continue to sleep with your dreams or wake up with morning breath.”
– Bob Simmons
“The sun himself is weak when he first rises; and gathers strength and courage as the day gets on.”
– Charles Dickens
“I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.”
– Jerome K. Jerome
Funny Monday Quotes for a Bit of Stress Relief
“If each day is a ‘gift,’ I’d like to know where to return Mondays.”
– John Wagner
“When life gives you ‘Mondays,’ make an espresso.”
– Unknown
“Mondays are like the first day in school — you have everything but confidence.”
– Nkwachukwu Ogbuagu
“If I could, I’d give up Mondays to have her love again. Actually, forget her love, I’d give up Mondays for free.”
– Jarod Kintz
“Candy is nature’s way of making up for Mondays.”
– Rebecca Gober
“If Monday had a face, I’d punch it.”
– Unknown
“Mondays are the potholes in the road of life.”
– Tom Wilson
“I hate Sundays because they give birth to Mondays.”
– Chris Southwave
“When life gives you Monday, dip it in glitter and sparkle all day.”
– Ella Woodward
“Monday is a sloppy umbrella day, which makes everybody a little blue.”
– Giorge Leedy
“There are no miracles on Mondays.”
– Amy Neftzger
“Never miss a good chance to shut up.”
– Will Rogers
“The first five days after the weekend are the hardest.”
– Jay Thomas
“I’m not ready for Monday. Can I get a refund on the weekend?”
– Unknown
“Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.”
– Steven Wright
“Like the song says, rainy days and Mondays always get ya down.”
– Haruki Murakami
“I don’t like Mondays, especially if they occur on Fridays.”
– Jarod Kintz
“Monday isn’t that bad to be honest, what makes it bad is living in it.”
– Unknown
“It’s just another manic Monday. I wish it was Sunday. ‘Cause that’s my fun day. My I don’t have to run day.”
– The Bangles, “Manic Monday”
“Don’t underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can’t hear, and not bothering.”
– Winnie the Pooh
Sarcastic and Funny Monday Quotes for Work and the Office
“Isn’t it weird how you can have an amazing weekend and still find yourself surrounded by the same wooden desks and wooden people come Monday morning?”
– Crystal Cestari
“Some days, it just doesn’t pay to get out of bed.”
– Jim Butcher
“I can’t adult today. Please don’t make me adult on a Monday.”
– Unknown
“Employers are at their happiest on Mondays. Employees are at their happiest on Fridays.”
– Mokokoma Mokhonoana
“The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.”
– Robert Frost
“The awfulness of Monday mornings is the world’s greatest common denominator. To the millionaire and the coolie it is the same, because there can be nothing worse.”
– Kenneth Fearing
“Life is like Friday on a soap opera. It gives you the illusion that everything is going to wrap up, and then the same old shit starts up on Monday.”
– Stephen King
“So. Monday. We meet again. We will never be friends – but maybe we can move past our mutual enmity toward a more-positive partnership.”
– Julio-Alexi Genao
“This has been such a Monday! I wish I stayed in bed, and I wish that yesterday had never happened.”
– Lisa Mantchev
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.”
– Charles Lamb
“This is proof that Monday wants me dead… Wednesday wouldn’t do this to me. It’s laid back. Friday actually likes me! But Monday is a bitter, backstabbing treacherous day.”
– Arthur Daigle
“My resume is just a list of things I hope you never ask me to do.”
– Scott Adams
“Your Monday is not going to be like Saturday; the emotions are going to be different.”
– Jean Grae
“On Monday mornings, I am dedicated to the proposition that all men have created jerks.”
– H. Allen Smith
“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.”
– George Carlin
“If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.’”
– Dave Barry
“Monday is great if I can spend it in bed. I’m a man of simple pleasures.”
– Arthur Darvill
“I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.”
– Sandra Shea
“By and large I think art is made by people who have discipline married to talent in sufficiently large amounts to work even if they don’t feel like it. Anybody can get maudlin and decide to write poetry at 11 at night; the question is, can you do it at 8:30 on a Monday morning?”
– Clive Barker
“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?”
– Edgar Bergen
Funny Happy Monday Quotes with Hilarious Humor for Your Coworkers
“When it’s only Monday and my bestie is already having a horrible week, I start hunting for memes to send him so that in amongst all the pain and misery he can get really annoyed that his whatsapp is going every two minutes.”
– C.S. Woolley
“Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don’t work and the other half aren’t so bright.”
– Unknown
“It’s Monday, and I’m already thinking about my ‘weekend plans’.”
– Unknown
“The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.”
– Groucho Marx
“Okay, it’s Monday. But who said Mondays have to suck? Be a rebel and have a great day anyway.”
– Kimberly Jiménez
“I’ve achieved inbox zero several times in my career. Each time by deleting everything in a state of panic.”
– Unknown
“The reward for good work is more work.”
– Francesca Elisia
“Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.”
– Peter Drucker
“Mondays are the start of the work week which offer new beginnings 52 times a year!”
– David Dweck
“If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.”
– John Gotti
“I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.”
– Homer Simpson
“I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday.”
– Unknown
“Perhaps one day we can all be genetically altered to think of Mondays as backwards Fridays?”
– Neil Leckman
“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.”
– Douglas Adams
“You are in control. Never allow your Monday to be manic.”
– Andrea L’Artiste
“Monday Morning Blues? Why not change the color of your Monday to yellow and brighten up the coming week?”
– Kanika Saxena
“The best weeks start on Monday.”
– Nice Peter
“I’m not bossy, I just know what you should be doing.”
– Fay Collins
“My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.”
– Unknown
“Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.”
– Will Rogers
“If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. Where X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.”
– Albert Einstein
Short Funny Monday Quotes
“No one likes Tuesday morning but at least it’s not Monday morning.”
– Bev Johnston
“Don’t mess with anybody on a Monday. It’s a bad, bad day.”
– Louise Fitzhugh
“It was the kind of Sunday to make one ache for Monday morning.”
– Joan Didion
“There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.”
– Henry Kissinger
“I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.”
– Jim Harper
“Mondays are mundane, like Tuesdays minus 24 hours.”
– Jarod Kintz
“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.”
– Mark Twain
“Monday is great for becoming too busy to die.”
– Roy Station
“Dream big, work hard, stay focused, and surround yourself with funny people.”
– Carol Burnett
“There are many Mondays to go before I die. I may as well look forward to them.”
– Trevor Carss
“Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you’re donating blood.”
– Bill Murray
“It’s just been a long week, that’s all.
It’s Monday night, Jess.
My point exactly.”
– Scott Westerfeld
“There isn’t a Monday that would not cede its place to Tuesday.”
– Anton Chekhov
“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.”
– W. C. Fields
“If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.”
– Unknown
“The biggest thrill wasn’t in winning on Sunday but in meeting the payroll on Monday.”
– Art Rooney
“I have never been hurt by what I have not said.”
– Calvin Coolidge
“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.”
– Oscar Wilde
“If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.”
– Steven Wright
“If you don’t like the road you’re walking, start paving another one!”
– Dolly Parton
Want more laughs and stress relief for your work week? The have a look at these funny teamwork quotes, the short funny work quotes here and also these hilarious work quotes. Plus, these funny Friday quotes.
