When faced with the reality we did not expect or do not like, it’s normal to respond with denial.
When in denial, we ignore the reality and, in some cases, create an alternative set of facts just so that we avoid the anxiety and discomfort that comes with the reality.
In all honesty, the truth is not always easy to accept, so denial is quite common. This defence mechanism might appear effective on the surface, but in reality, it does us more harm than good.
Therefore, we need to work on it.
I’m not suggesting that we entirely get rid of denial. That would be unrealistic as this is a mechanism that comes to us naturally.
Rather, we should understand that denial is not a long-term solution, and in some cases, we have to accept and adapt to the reality that might not be favourable. But I know this is easier said than done.
Dealing with denial is not easy; it requires support and patience. This article will explore ways to overcome denial and accept reality.
Related article: 6 Common Types of Denial – How You Can Identify & Deal With Them
5 Ways to Help You Overcome Denial
1. Recognize it.
Recognizing and acknowledging that there is a problem is the first step in personal improvement. If you hope to overcome denial, accepting that you’re in it and the version of reality you’re trying to believe in is not real is an important step in dealing with it.
Denial might look like:
- Ignoring physical pain
- Reconstructing past events
- Undermining the severity of an issue
- Ignoring prevalent issues in a relationship
- Believing that others are conspiring against you
- Believing that something is just a phase and will pass on its own
Do your best to be factual, and don’t let your emotions and desires shadow the truth. Try to view scenarios from a third-person perspective, and if that view is different from your own, then accept that you are in denial.
2. Get to the root cause.
After recognizing the problem, getting to the root cause so that you can tackle it from the bottom is the next step.
Each person is different, and our root causes for denial differ depending on the situation. It’s important to do some introspection and understand why you refuse to accept a certain reality.
Some common causes of denial include:
- Fear
- Guilt
- Disappointment
- Trauma
- Judgment
- Shame
- Stress
- Emotional pain
One common instance that comes to mind is people being in denial about the fact that they’re not feeling well and have to go to the hospital because someone they love went to the hospital and didn’t come back.
They experience this denial because of a past traumatic experience. In this example, dealing with the loss of that loved one will help one accept that loss, grieve and overcome denial regarding accessing hospital services.
3. Think of the consequences.
Sometimes, thinking of the potential consequences that could arise from being in denial can help us change our perspective.
When you’re in denial, it’s easy to overlook and ignore potential consequences as you create another version of reality. Being mindful of the consequences of denial will help you realize the importance of acknowledging and accepting the issue at hand.
Once accepted, you’ll be able to work on reducing the negative implications.
4. Talk to someone.
When you notice that denial is a common occurrence and you’re having a hard time overcoming it, you might need to talk to a professional.
A therapist will create a non-judgmental environment where you can explore your situation and get tools that will help you overcome denial and accept the truth.
Moreover, a therapist will also help you understand the root cause of the issue, which as stated above, is an essential step when overcoming denial.
5. Journal.
One of the best ways to effectively follow the above strategies is by journaling.
Journaling helps you keep track of how you perceive scenarios, and it also gives you enough time to think about scenarios beyond the surface level.
When you journal, you allow yourself time to think and write down your thoughts. You’ll be able to have a clear picture of how you are experiencing denial and why you are experiencing it.
You’ll also be able to document how you overcame denial in the past, and in the long run, you’ll be aware of interventions that work best for you under different circumstances.
40 Emotional Release Journal Prompts to Help You Move On
You Can Overcome Denial
Denial is very different from other defence mechanisms because it involves refusing to accept reality (while other mechanisms involve distortion).
Because it entirely dismisses the existence of an issue, it’s probably one of the most challenging mechanisms to deal with. Overcoming denial is not easy and does not happen overnight.
The above strategies work when they have been used consistently and with intention. When you put your mind to it, you will notice growth, improved well-being, and your ability to work through challenges will improve.
