Being judgmental is easy. It’s basically targeting low-hanging fruit in an attempt to make ourselves feel better.
We’ve all been there (whether you want to admit it or not). Maybe you’re having a lousy day (and maybe you don’t even realize it), so you turn up your nose. You see someone else wearing colors that, in your opinion, don’t go together.
You immediately judge. That person clearly didn’t look in the mirror this morning. They are such a mess.
Okay, hold up.
- Who are you to judge them?
- Do you know their whole life story?
- Are you making assumptions?
- Why are you putting any energy toward this?
Well, let’s get curious!
How can you catch yourself?
Why are you being so judge-y?
In this article, we’re going to get to the bottom of it all and help you become a better person who is bent on delivering positivity over negativity.
What Causes a Person to Be Judgmental?
Being on the receiving end of judge-y comments and eyes isn’t fun. Now, imagine how you felt in those moments. What were you feeling exactly? Not good, right?
Yet, we all do it. We judge each other like it’s our job. But the truth is we should withhold judgment. Like Demi Lovato (and yes, let me quote Demi Lovato for a second here! Remember, no judgmental looks) said,
“Don’t judge me. You know my name, but not my story.”
Okay, so why do we feel so compelled to judge? Well, there are a few psychological reasons you might be prone to judge-y tactics, including:
- Being insecure
- Having low self-esteem
- Having parents who judged and critiqued you, deflecting attention from their own flaws
- Lacking control in your own life
- Feeling envy or jealousy
But it’s okay. You can 110% change this and flip the script.
You don’t need to be judgmental.
In fact, you can always change who you are. All you need to do is step into that person you want to become by taking on the habits and behaviors they do (A prime example: You want to become a kinder person? Well, do some small acts of kindness each day!).
How Do I Know If I am Judgmental?
Maybe you’re not entirely sure if you’re judgmental.
You think maybe you could be, but you like to think of yourself in a positive light (which you totally should. Positive self-talk is ultra-beneficial. At the same time, we’ve got to face the facts.).
Here are tell-tale signs you might be seriously judgmental:
- You frequently categorize things as “good” and “bad”
- You view others’ actions as an embodiment of who they are as a person
- You think your opinion is the truth
- You expect everyone to be consistent all the time
- You are typically in a negative headspace and have a negative outlook on life
- You feel good criticizing others
- You tend to assume things/jump to conclusions
- You are very self-critical
- You have trouble trusting others
- You often focus on certain traits of others
- You continually strive for perfection
- You’ve lost many friends
- People rarely confide in you
- You have social anxiety
- You continually tell people what they need to fix or change
- You have a low tolerance for differences
Any of the above sound familiar? If so, don’t panic.
Below, we’re going to dive into exactly what you can do to be less judgmental.
How Do I Become Less Critical and Judgmental?
First off, don’t feel too bad. We all do it.
And lingering on how bad of a person you are because you’re judgmental doesn’t help you or anyone else. So, let’s move on from that.
- Now, what can you do about it?
- And how can you become a better person and friend?
Here are a few tips:
Tip #1: Steer Clear of the Negative Talk
The conversation with your friends starts veering down talking crap about others… Well, you don’t have to join in, nor do you have to encourage it. You can either disengage or simply say you’d rather not talk badly of others.
Tip #2: Be Kind to Yourself
The most critical people have the worst inner dialogues.
In fact, if you’re talking badly to someone else, it’s a sign you probably don’t talk that much better to yourself. So, let’s turn inward. Ignore what others are doing and focus on improving your own self-compassion.
This might mean coming up with positive affirmations to say to yourself each day (such as “I am enough” or another phrase that resonates with you).
Also, practicing gratitude by taking a few minutes each day to write down what you appreciate in your life can help you develop a positive outlook overall.
Related Article: How to Master the Fine Art of Putting Yourself First While Staying Compassionate
Tip #3: Consider Meditation
Or at least, give it a try.
Sure, it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. But the evidence is staggering.
Meditation is well-known to have various benefits, including helping you stress less and have a more positive perspective on the world (and yourself!).
If meditation really isn’t your thing, try finding other ways to de-stress and find happiness in your life. This might mean basking in the sun with your morning cup of tea. Or maybe taking up yin yoga or another self-care practice.
Related Article: 7 Simple Types of Self-Care & How They Bring About Success
Tip #4: Remember: You Don’t Know What You Don’t Know
Judgement is layered in assumptions and jumping to conclusions about people or events.
Instead, adapt this perspective: You don’t know what you don’t know.
There’s just no way to know what anyone else is going through unless you’re in their shoes. And assuming they can easily get it together isn’t going to help them, or you feel any better.
Always, instead, assume everyone is simply doing the best they can with the knowledge and tools they have thus far in their life. We are all learning. And that’s okay!
Tip #5: Focus on You
Instead of comparing yourself to others or meddling in other people’s lives, again, look inward; where can you make improvements?
How? Everyone can be better. And while we shouldn’t necessarily obsess about it, continual growth and development in life can provide tons of purpose, helping you discover your true and authentic self. (Keep evolving!)
Let’s Make a Pact…
…to quit the judgmental comments and looks once and for all!
At the same time, let’s not kid ourselves. We are bound to have our moments. Yet, recognizing it and noticing you’re doing it can help you make a change.
Don’t let that spiral guide you down into a negative hole. Rather, recognize it. Leave it alone. Revert your attention toward positivity and abundance, and life will eventually be what you’ve always wanted.
Read Next: Top 5 Simple Ways to Start a Self-Care Routine in Your Life
Editor’s note: This article was originally published Aug 26, 2022 and has been updated to improve reader experience.
Photo by Hadi Slash
