Getting to know someone and eventually falling in love with them is a magical feeling.
Once in love, there is a need for us to keep falling in love and reminding your partner of how much you love them.
This is where the famous love languages come into play. Most of us know the 5 love languages that are in Gary Chapman’s book, published in 1992, but not all of us know how to show love in these languages.
- Words of affirmation
- Quality time
- Receiving gifts
- Physical touch
- Acts of service
We typically know how we want to be loved, but often do not take the time to understand how the person we are with wants to be loved.
We tend to show our partners love in a way that we think they will appreciate rather than the way they will appreciate.
How many times have you bought your partner a gift and then felt like they do not appreciate it? Often that is because you would have chosen a gift you think would be perfect for you to receive from your partner. But is that what your partner actually wants?
We assume that their love language is the same as ours. Unfortunately, this results in us feeling a little unappreciated. Mainly because we won’t be loving them the way they want to be loved.
Knowing your partner’s love language is great, but you need to go the extra mile to know how you can love them in that language, as that is the best way for them to feel loved.
If you want to check out the book, follow this link: The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman
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Here is How You Can Love Your Partner in Their Love Language
1. Words of Affirmation.
If this is your partner’s love language, you need to be very patient.
Your partner knows that you love them, but they would appreciate being reminded verbally. They need you to remind them that they are special and you love them.
Ways you can do this include:
- Telling them that you love them when one of you is leaving
- Occasionally sending them loving texts throughout the day
- Leaving them random notes that remind them that you love them
- Occasionally calling to check in and tell them you love them
2. Receiving Gifts.
This language is often misunderstood and largely attributed to women.
Contrary to popular belief, these people are not materialistic, and they do not want you to spend your money on them.
Rather, when you do get them gifts, it reminds them that you were thinking about them. The more thoughtful the gift the better – not how much it costs. To them, this confirms that you love them.
If your partner’s love language is receiving gifts, try your best to pay attention to the things they say and aim for thoughtful gifts. These do not have to be expensive gifts; in most cases, it’s the little things that do the trick.
These could be:
- A packet of their favorite sweets that you picked up when you were running errands
- A hat that matches their favorite sneakers
- A tool kit that has a tool they always lose
- A bouquet that is not associated with any special occasion
3. Physical Touch.
For these people, appropriate physical touch is the way they connect with their loved one.
You need to clearly understand if your partner is comfortable with public display affection (PDA) or not.
I’m sure you wouldn’t want your partner to feel uncomfortable, so it is essential that you understand the boundaries they have. For them, love can be:
- Random hugs
- Non-sexual kisses
- Cuddles
- Holding hands
- Touching when comforting them
Why We All Need a Good Hug Right Now: Cuddle Therapy & Depression→
4. Acts of Service.
These people believe that actions speak louder than words. You telling them that you love them is good, but showing them that you do is more important. The selfless and thoughtful acts don’t have to be grand gestures, just the small and thoughtful ones will remind them that you love them.
The acts could be:
- Checking their car and making sure the water and oil are okay
- Ironing the shirt they want to wear
- Putting their laundry away for them
- Bringing them breakfast in bed
5. Quality Time.
These people value spending time with their loved ones, and that is good enough for them.
If you show them love in any of the above languages, they will most likely not turn you down, but spending time makes them feel most loved.
Quality time is different for each person so it’s important to understand exactly what makes your partner happy. For some it could be time engaging with each other, for some, it could be being in the same space while you both do your thing separately.
For these people love could be:
- Finishing off the day early so you can cook together
- Movie dates
- Having undistracted conversations in person
Knowing Your Partner’s Love Language Can And Will Improve Your Relationship
Once you know your partner’s love language, it becomes easier for you to love them and feel appreciated yourself. It can bring you closer and help you fall in love with each other every day.
Often people have more than one preferred love language and that gives us more options on how to express love and be affectionate.
You will not automatically know how your partner wants to be loved, so it will take a bit of time and communication as well as some trial and errors.
Be patient with yourself and your partner and take each day as a chance to know yourself and them more.
Updated from Oct 11, 2022
Photo by Emma Bauso
