Toxic relationships come in all sorts of shapes and forms, and they look different for everyone.
They can be found in all contexts, from romantic relationships to family dynamics to work environments.
Differences in our personalities, experiences, past traumas and triggers shape how we respond to these relationships – and how we recover once we get out of them.
10 Common Signs of a Toxic Relationship
When it comes to toxic relationships, there is no universal checklist that can be used to assess where the relationship stands. However, some of the common signs of toxic relationships include:
- There is a power imbalance
- They always find something wrong with what you do or say
- They take every chance to belittle you
- They are jealous, manipulative, and controlling
- They never take responsibility
- They make you feel worse vs. better
- Being around them is exhausting
- They like to play mind games
- They make excuses for their bad behavior
- They are passive aggressive
People in toxic relationships can stay involved for longer than you’d think. Each person’s reasons are different, and it’s not for us to judge.
After enduring these relationships, some people will eventually leave the relationship. While that is a great first step in the right direction, there is a lot of work that one needs to do on themselves.
After leaving a toxic relationship, the other person seems to go on with their life while you are left behind to deal with the mess.
Whether you were in a toxic relationship with a parent, partner, friend or colleague, you are left with emotional wounds, and often, you have no idea how to nurse them.
5 Tips to Help You Heal from a Toxic Relationship
1. Feel your emotions.
Sometimes we find our emotions so overwhelming, and we just don’t want to deal with them.
Rather than feeling and going through these emotions, we think it’s best to be numb and lock them away. Sadly, if you do not feel these emotions, they will keep on bothering you until you pay attention to them.
Allow yourself to feel sad, betrayed, or anything you might be feeling. If you think you need to go and scream into the wind, do it. Let those emotions out and start your healing process.
2. Don’t expect closure.
When you leave a toxic relationship, focus on moving forward.
Do not expect the other person to come back to you and apologize for what they did and how they treated you. In most cases, they will never come to explain themselves and give you closure.
While closure is good, you will not always get it, and if you tell yourself that you will only start healing when you have received closure, then it might never happen at all.
3. Be kind to yourself.
When you look back at your past experiences, remember to be kind to yourself.
Do not be harsh on yourself for not seeing the signs early or for not leaving the relationship earlier. Be tenderhearted towards yourself and forgive yourself. Appreciate the fact that you now know better and are in a position to make better decisions.
4. Surround yourself with supportive people.
This can be a support group, a good friend or a trusted family.
These are people who love and are concerned for your well-being and they will do their best to make sure that you’re in the best state possible. When you share something, they listen without judgment, and they help you boost your confidence.
These people can be rare, but if you have them, they will really help fill in the void you might have and hold your hand throughout your healing journey.
5. Remember who you are.
This can be a tough one after spending a long time with someone who tries to shape you into the version that they want you to be.
In professional and academic settings, you will meet supervisors who don’t want you to express yourself in a manner that you want, rather, they want you to adopt their way of doing things. In romantic relationships, you might be with a partner who wants you to interact with certain people and dress in a particular way.
Throughout that relationship, there is a high possibility that you will lose yourself in an attempt to please the other person. Once you leave that relationship, you might need some time to remember who you are.
Start with picking up hobbies that make you happy and put yourself first.
A Toxic Relationship Doesn’t Have to Define You
Your story goes beyond that toxic relationship.
Focus on other aspects of yourself, especially the ones you had to bury during that time.
As you get over it, you might encounter some triggers that will take you back to the toxic relationship for a moment. In that bit, take a look at and appreciate how much things have changed. You are good enough.
Everyone’s healing journey is different, so remember to be kind to yourself and take one day at a time. The process won’t be linear, and some days will feel worse than others. But remember, you’ve already left that relationship, and that is a big step on its own!
Updated from Sep 5, 2022
